Heartbreak

A guy walked into a bar… My life right now. In a country song.

I’m happy to say that my heart hasn’t checked into this state of emotion since I was 18. But I guess that meant everything built up because yesterday was a waterfall. I don’t think it stopped until 11 (pm not am).

For the moment, I’m broken. Shattered to pieces strewn across the state of Georgia. Memories are painful sometimes.

The more I think about it, break-ups don’t just end the day they occur. After the initial shock and pain, there are things to be done. Pictures to be changed and taken down, relationship status updates (if you still use Facebook), and pretty much hiding the existence of said person for a while. Because everything you did, saw, or heard together can start a chain reaction.

I hate the word “ex.” It just sounds so ugly and demeaning. I think that when people refer to others by that word they forget all of the happy times that they had together. So I decided to come up with a new word: passé garçon. Or PG for short. To me, it sounds nicer and I truly try not to think negatively of anyone.

The memories I had with my PG I will treasure forever. He was my first serious college relationship. Although it might be a while before I’m able to look at a lot of those pictures. It’s just too real right now.

Luckily, I have some of the best friends here who were there for me yesterday and last night. Unlike most people, I don’t stress eat. I do the opposite. I don’t eat. (my one girlfriend wishes she had that problem) They made sure I had something in my stomach at some point yesterday regardless of my protests. Today, again, still no appetite. Hopefully that passes because this empty sucker-punch feeling in my stomach is awful.

My cousin told me that she believes everything happens for a reason. And I agree. I believe in fate. I was meant to walk into that specific bar back in October and meet this man. My entire sophomore year would have been completely different.

But I also believe “if two people are meant to be together eventually they’ll find their way back,” thank you Blair Waldorf. I do believe that though, because people who know each other can find their way back to one another. Does it always happen? No. Is there the possibility that fate can intervene and make it happen? Yes.

I apologize that my last two posts have been slightly on the depressing side. I promise I will get back to my regular self after some good food, good friends, and a healthy dose of the Garden State.

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